I don’t want this too be too late so just gonna throw this up rn and edit it later with my notes later so look forward to learning about capacitors :)
Fuck it we ball, capacitors what I know of them is they help motors start. In HVAC we got two of them run capacitor a and start capacitors. Motors that are aren’t 3 phase need a phase shift to get them going. Thing is motors need power coming in to be just right if a start capacitor is left running it will draw locked motor amperage and shut it all down so it’s put in series with a PTC relay (once this gets too hot it opens and shuts off power to the start capacitor) letting just the run to do it’s thing.
Capacitors need to be tested by isolating and discarding them and checking for capacitance in microfarads. The rating is usually on the capacitor and needs to be within ±10%. On the capacitor the voltage is supplied too with 2 different values. The higher value is the real one so this means you can use it on a size lower if you want. I’ve heard of testing them under load to fully get how they work,you take amperage on the start winding then multiply by 2652 then divide voltage across the capacitor to check if it’s good.
Anyway capacitors got oil in them to dissipate heat, thin plates of metal and plastic between them to insulate. These are used to store power, try not to fuck with them even unplugged they can still hurt you. The oil can also be an issue obvs. Anyway they store and discharge voltage they don’t boost it, at least in ac systems. If you read a higher voltage it’s most likely back EMF generated from the motor as it runs. Anyway you gotta take this into account when sizing relays.
One more thing capacitors when wired in series will have reduced capacitinace, 1/C +1/C but wired in parallel you just add them C+C. Probably doesn’t mean much to people but for electricians it’s useful if you don’t have the right size. Only connecting them in parallel is probably the only reason to do it practically.
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The way you described it before was more like mere kink and a mix of a lot of shame and self judgement over having it.
This one definitely feels more dangerous and more like suicidal ideation, and it mightve been like that before but the kink lens was how I saw it previously. If it is bad, obviously the focus is more on getting in a headspace with more self love and self compassion than worrying about what it means in terms of sexuality and kink.
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Maybe it is my fault that I brought up the kink lens to begin with, because in the past, that is how I explored it. Maybe exploring it like that in the first place is what crossed my wires in so many bizzare and unhealthy ways. But when I started, I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was really suicidal (who does?). It was ironically enough the same way I came to accept that I was trans. And the fact that I started out by watching crossdressing stuff hurt me the same way too.
Edit: There is nothing pleasurable at all about the things I am ideating about. I’m just being delusional and snuffing copium.