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4 hours agoToday I’ve been at it for 17 hours. So far. Hehe.
sodium_nitride [she/her, any]
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Joined 10 months ago
Cake day: March 12th, 2025
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I never want to touch circuit layouts ever again. I want absolutely nothing to do with them. For the past week I’ve been staying until 3-4 AM every day working literally 15 ish hours per day on this assignment
.And I hate being the incompetent buffoon dragging the group down with my idiotic mistakes while the others carry.
Happy birthday!
Same reason I wanna be a catgirl
spoiler
Maybe it is my fault that I brought up the kink lens to begin with, because in the past, that is how I explored it. Maybe exploring it like that in the first place is what crossed my wires in so many bizzare and unhealthy ways. But when I started, I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was really suicidal (who does?). It was ironically enough the same way I came to accept that I was trans. And the fact that I started out by watching crossdressing stuff hurt me the same way too.
Edit: There is nothing pleasurable at all about the things I am ideating about. I’m just being delusional and snuffing copium.
spoiler
How much of a kink is it when I can’t even look at porn without crying and feeling sad and I don’t even look at porn or mastrubate, I just fucking hate myself. Shittiest kink ever.
CW:suicide+SA
Might as well speak. If I start self-censoring on an anonymous forum (mass surveillance not widthstanding), then what’s the point?
Anyways, I’m sure many of you already know about my deeply fucked up “fantasies”. No point repeating them cause you can just search my previous comments with s**cide and r*pe and SA keywords.
But anyway, those are not really fantasies, more like hauntings. And they never went away, I just didn’t focus on them for a while. As soon as I did again, the floodgates opened and I feel every bit as desperate and choked as I ever did back then.
And I know many people will tell me that one day I will find a partner that I can safely practice BDSM with, but this is not BDSM, I just want to fucking die. I would just prefer it to be at the hands of a partner cause that would make it less scary.
And I’m not sure if you can call it a CNC kink when I can’t even imagine anyone genuinely being attracted to me. I only want to be SA’d again cause the only way I can imagine someone enjoying it is if it could satisfy their urge for hurting a human.
Or maybe, this all is just how people with this “kink” are, and this is the source. It’s a coping mechanism. But God do I want this to end.
I’m currently in that stage of life where I’m yearning for the human instrumentality project from evangelion. And uh … that’s not a good thing.
May your complications be few and joys be many.
Depending on the type of capacitor, they they can also introduce significant levels of distortion to the signal since some behave non-linearly:
Tbf it’s going to introduce distortion even if its linear, since for perfect signal transmission, you want a rectangular frequency response (the allowed frequencies are unchanged while unallowed frequencies are zeroed). Capacitors and any real system will have slopes and ripples.
9·2 days agoIf the environment was up for a genuine vote it could be saved. The bourgeoise with their “representative” “democracy” would never allow it.
As time goes on, I begin to agree more and more with what you wrote in the spoiler.
I’m not typing shit out cause it just feels like grabbing attention “oh look how fucked up and edgy I am”. But I do not feel ok in general these days <—understatement
Caps, inductors (or chokes/coils) and resistors are the 3 basic linear electrical components. Capacitors are the exact opposite of coils, electrically speaking.
Caps short out AC (but block DC) signals, while coils short DC signals and block AC.
Mathematically speaking, capacitors represent integration (they integrate current, aka store it up), while inductors represent differentiation (their voltage depends on how quickly the current is changing).
Both integration and differentiation show up as frequency responses, but flipped.
By combining them with resistors (which just multiply current to produce voltage), you can create any kind of linear differential equation/system.
Not having even an opportunity to just be a girlfailuire for once. Fucking tragedy.
irrelevant ranting
I like being under pressure. I don’t like being in a pressure cooker. I am not allowed to fail any of my courses, not once. No second chances, I’ll basically loose my scholarship. And this time around I’ve been struggling from studies due to having to commute 2-3 hours in the snow every day. The trains keep getting cancelled. I keep getting sick.
I had a chance to shift to a place actually near my uni, but it was utter trash and … I literally forgot about it. I fjcking forgot about it. Plus, when would I even have the time to move?
That’s a matter of taste. I like magic smoke.
These have an old people vibe. Not in a good or bad way, but in a “is this what you want” kinda way.
Just barely before the 18 hour mark, the remote server crashes, leaving me with no option but to take a nap.