I don’t want this too be too late so just gonna throw this up rn and edit it later with my notes later so look forward to learning about capacitors :)
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Maybe it is my fault that I brought up the kink lens to begin with, because in the past, that is how I explored it. Maybe exploring it like that in the first place is what crossed my wires in so many bizzare and unhealthy ways. But when I started, I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was really suicidal (who does?). It was ironically enough the same way I came to accept that I was trans. And the fact that I started out by watching crossdressing stuff hurt me the same way too.
Edit: There is nothing pleasurable at all about the things I am ideating about. I’m just being delusional and snuffing copium.