First off, congratulations on getting in to see a therapist! That’s always a big step.

I imagine you weren’t trying to convince your therapist that you had ADHD and there’s a very good chance that if they didn’t think that ADHD was a possibility then they would have steered you away from an assessment so that’s a good indication that they think it’s worth looking into further.

I guess from here out I’d encourage you to consider what happens next - either you are going to get diagnosed with ADHD or you aren’t. Either prospect is challenging in its own unique way but just remember that whatever happens you will have made progress and that’s the most important thing. Here’s how I see it:

1. You get diagnosed and it opens up a bunch of things - the grief of what could have been if you had the right sorts of support and medical interventions, actually getting the right supports and accommodations and meds, and starting on new ways to relate to yourself and to make life work better for you. Usually you get a stopover in imposter syndrome on this journey (lol) but try not to worry because there will be signs. (As an example here, a late-diagnosed friend of mine lost their ADHD meds. Couldn’t find them anywhere, turned their place upside down. Eventually, days later, while they were doing yard work they found their meds sitting in a bush. They had zero idea how they got there and couldn’t piece together how it could have happened.)

2. You don’t get diagnosed and you have to confront that “But what if I don’t have ADHD and there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m just lazy?” fear - which is understandable but just because one psychiatrist doesn’t diagnose you doesn’t mean that you don’t have it, it just means they didn’t see symptoms of it. If there are people in your life who are pretty convinced of you having ADHD and especially if your therapist thinks it’s likely then it’s worth pursuing a second opinion with another psychiatrist.

3. You don’t get diagnosed and you don’t have ADHD, which means confronting the same fear above, but remember that it’s still crossing something off the list. I was lowkirkenuienly worried about this when it came to my adult diagnosis of autism. I tried to look at it this way - either I’m autistic and it’s going to explain a lot or I’m not autistic and I can cross that off the list of possibilities and I’ll be one step closer to having the correct understanding of what I’m working with by process of elimination and this is also a really positive step because it puts me closer to what supports and interventions will be helpful for me. (Spoiler alert though, in my autism assessment the assessor basically all but says that straight off the bat they could spot the autistic traits, and that’s before we even got into anything in the assessment itself. A different friend went in to get their ADHD assessment and their assessor basically pulled the same thing on them. It’s more common than you might think.)

My advice for the assessment is to approach it with a strong “Yes, and…” or “No, and…” angle - being an adult you will have had to develop a lot of mechanisms to cope and to compensate, probably more than you’re really consciously aware of. When you do any sort of assessment (questionnaire or formal medical assessment) try to speak about why you do or don’t experience a thing. For example, I don’t run late all the time because most of the time I use public transport and that requires that I arrive early. But if I drive then I’m either rushing because I’m running late or I arrive like an hour early so I don’t end up running late. So in pure terms, me being late for things is rarely a problem but tardiness is the bane of my existence and I’m constantly battling against it. Another example is that I use an electronic diary on my phone so at any point I can check what I have to do and what time it’s happening. I don’t forget appointments and things like that because I have the calendar in front of my face all the time. But if I ever lost access to my electronic diary my life would immediately become an unmitigated disaster. So I don’t have problems with remembering events and appointments but only because I have a strict system and if I ever diverge from it, I’m a wreck - if I ever forget to add an event into my electronic calendar it might as well not exist. This is the kind of thing that’s really important to elaborate on in an assessment. I’m sure you’ll have your own personal examples here.

Other things to try to bring into the assessment are what people close to you have said you about what they have noticed. This might be a partner reminding you to put your keys in their place so you don’t lose them or it could be reminding you of important dates or noting that they tell you that you are leaving the house half an hour earlier than you need to because they know you won’t be ready on time. Or what parents, bosses, friends etc. have said. If you have any friends with ADHD, there’s a 99% chance they have either laughed at an ADHD trait you have displayed that they identify with or they’ve told you that you seriously need to consider getting a diagnosis. Also try to recall what you were like as a child and think about what happens when you are exhausted or when you haven’t had enough sleep - those times where your ability to compensate is compromised and you get closer to being at your baseline when those ADHD traits appear to manifest much more strongly. Report on these things to the assessor as appropriate.

You’ll be fine, just be open and honest. Give your own perspective on things and don’t be afraid to elaborate on what your internal experience is. Whatever the outcome is, you’re going to be one step closer and it’s worth focusing on that and celebrating it regardless of the outcome, if that’s a possibility for you.

Good luck and remember to report back if you want!

Change can be scary. Sounds like you are making good choices – keep it up!

Seeing a psychiatrist for the first time can certainly be anxiety inducing, but I think you’ll feel good about it once you do. Reaching out for help can be difficult, especially when you weren’t supported by your caregivers. I know from my own experience. But you’re doing it and that’s a big step! All the best comrade!

FYI, You can look up the screener and the scoring for it to answer if you’ll meet the criteria.