CW as the subject matter might be heavy for some.

To begin with I’ll clarify that I have been the recipient of a lot of vulnerable people confiding in me in my life. I know what it is like to have people suddenly dump very serious and upsetting problems on me, unsolicited. I also suffer from a lot of trauma myself, and so being trauma dumped on can be triggering of my own trauma. So yes, I can understand why trauma dumping is frowned upon and considered toxic.

However, perhaps in the age old tradition of terms being taken by the general public and misinterpreted into something almost the opposite of it’s meaning, I see the term now constantly thrown in a harmful way around by the general pubic. The term “Trauma dumping” is now used to shame those with trauma who are reaching out for help at their lowest. It’s used in any situation where someone opens up about their traumas.

There is something very messed up about a society that pretends that “You shouldn’t keep everything to yourself, it’s okay to ask for help.” That in turn punishes and shames people who finally do ask for help as “Eww, stop trauma dumping. Your problems are a burden on me actually, so shut up and suffer in silence or pay someone to fix you! You’re selfishly dragging down us healthy normal people!”. I think this will lead to a lot of people in society being taught to hide their problems out of fear and shame. It feels wrong.

Anyway, I can understand if this is a hot take and maybe I am projecting. I can understand both sides, but ultimately it leaves a sad pit in my stomach thinking that vulnerable people are made to think no one cares about them.

The demonising of empathy is scary. Real “Don’t show pity for the homeless, they’re just taking advantage of your kindness.” hours.

    • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      0·
      13 days ago

      First off I cackled my ass off at the Marty seligman hate - I’ve read one of his books (authentic happiness , I believe) and I can’t believe “positive psychology” has gained any sort of legitimacy.

      I’m Seligman’s #1 hater. The reason why I think he’s so popular is because he poses absolutely no threat to the status quo - his advice is really individualistic (typical for psychology) and a government can adopt the language and borrow some of the aura of legitimacy through his work in psychology and his frameworks to act like they’re doing something about improving mental health except without actually making any changes to the way that the political economy works. His stuff is very bourgeois oriented too. I know that’s a typical communist slur to fling around but what the fuck sort of meaning does a gig worker who can’t afford healthcare have the opportunity to create? (Of course, they still have the capacity for making meaning, as we all do, but if you’re pulling 20 hour shifts at the ball-crushing factory just to barely cover rent and insulin then you’re structurally cut off from meaning making in any significant way by design.)

      Second, These couple comments really resonated with me. I’ve struggled with anhedonia since childhood and over the better part of a decade now have been piecing together an understanding of how depression (what I assumed was my main issue) manifested mostly due to being under the autism/adhd/ocd umbrella and never having an idea (until recently). And now that I know, I can be me! And anyone who doesn’t like it can kick rocks!

      Anhedonia is really pernicious. I think it’s a bit of a silent killer, honestly. On the face of it, it doesn’t seem that bad - you don’t feel much joy. No biggie. Just keep at it and it’ll be fine, right? In reality, serious anhedonia can stop people from eating enough because they don’t even get any intrinsic reward from eating. For anyone who isn’t really across this experience. anhedonia can feel like how it is to fold laundry except it’s every task. Or like every meal is porridge or an unflavored protein shake. It’s hard to imagine for a lot of people (blessed) but how long would it take before you snap if every little thing you did in life felt like the weekly meeting on Monday morning at your office job - even the things that you used to enjoy? Anhedonia can be a slow grinding down but when it goes far enough, there is nothing left to grind away. But it never really feels urgent, at least to people on the outside.

      I’m really glad to hear that you’re making progress on this front. It’s a heck of a battle.

      I’m finally in relational therapy with my spouse and it’s been a game changer. Just unpacking our luggage with in a facilitated setting and affirming each others value has been amazing.

      I’m really glad to hear that. For all of my criticisms of therapy, it comes from a place of wanting it to live up to what it has the potential to be - good therapy saves lives. It’s just so, so hard to find good therapy.

      One of my closest friends (and groomsmen) drowned a couple months before my wedding - and I was finally able to admit that during the wedding I was only able to think about him and felt more sorrow than joy during that day. And it felt like taking off a weight - since every day since that I’d beat myself up as a bad spouse for having those feelings - but that’s (obviously) in no way how my spouse felt about me.

      I’m really sorry to hear about your friend’s passing. I can relate to the feelings of inadequacy that lead to self-loathing because, at least in my case, I had a lot of experiences where I was invalidated. (I say a lot but really it was just one long stream of it rather than being discrete events.) It’s hard not to learn to feel wrong or broken or inadequate if you’ve only ever learned that how you feel is wrong and that you need to do better (especially when the “better” is vague and unspecified.)

      One of the things that I try to use as a counterbalance to this is to consider how I’d feel about my spouse if they were feeling more sorrow than joy on their wedding because of the recent, tragic passing of a best friend or what I’d say to my best friend if they were in my shoes if I had passed away unexpectedly. Approaching it from that angle can be really helpful to reframe how I relate to myself by encouraging self-compassion and gently highlighting my own hypocrisy but not in a way that aggravates my perfectionism or feelings of inadequacy. Because that’s always the trap with feelings of inadequacy - the more you examine it and work on it, the more it can amplify those feelings of inadequacy. Of course there are ways to work through this but it’s unhelpful to try and resolve feelings of inadequacy by adding an extra layer by making yourself feel inadequate for being inadequate. And then you start adding another layer by feeling inadequate because you aren’t dealing with these feelings of inadequacy “properly”; you can get yourself into one heck of a mess trying to work your way out of that, especially if it’s a deep-seated part of how you relate to yourself. Which is where a good therapist can be invaluable.

      Now I’m just rambling - but I’ve tried CBT (the behavioral therapy one), ACT (the behavioral therapy one), and others I can’t remember. But in all, what seems to work best is having a community of people who care for you, and knowing they do.

      I definitely took a potshot at CBT and ACT and DBT in that comment above, although I didn’t name them directly. If they work for you then I’m genuinely happy for that. But I also have some big criticisms of them. CBT in particular is a dirty word for me lol. There’s a whole CBT racket running in my country, and I suspect this is probably the case for lots of western countries because it appears to be a model. But that’s a story for a different day.

      In summary, death to capitalism

      Agreed.