CW as the subject matter might be heavy for some.
To begin with I’ll clarify that I have been the recipient of a lot of vulnerable people confiding in me in my life. I know what it is like to have people suddenly dump very serious and upsetting problems on me, unsolicited. I also suffer from a lot of trauma myself, and so being trauma dumped on can be triggering of my own trauma. So yes, I can understand why trauma dumping is frowned upon and considered toxic.
However, perhaps in the age old tradition of terms being taken by the general public and misinterpreted into something almost the opposite of it’s meaning, I see the term now constantly thrown in a harmful way around by the general pubic. The term “Trauma dumping” is now used to shame those with trauma who are reaching out for help at their lowest. It’s used in any situation where someone opens up about their traumas.
There is something very messed up about a society that pretends that “You shouldn’t keep everything to yourself, it’s okay to ask for help.” That in turn punishes and shames people who finally do ask for help as “Eww, stop trauma dumping. Your problems are a burden on me actually, so shut up and suffer in silence or pay someone to fix you! You’re selfishly dragging down us healthy normal people!”. I think this will lead to a lot of people in society being taught to hide their problems out of fear and shame. It feels wrong.
Anyway, I can understand if this is a hot take and maybe I am projecting. I can understand both sides, but ultimately it leaves a sad pit in my stomach thinking that vulnerable people are made to think no one cares about them.
The demonising of empathy is scary. Real “Don’t show pity for the homeless, they’re just taking advantage of your kindness.” hours.
Yeah, often it’s weaponized as a “don’t kill the vibe” thing to avoid any discussions of anything that is vaguely mental health related. Trauma dumping is a specific thing where a person unpacks a ton of unresolved trauma onto an unwitting and unconsenting audience but saying “Yeah, I had childhood cancer and it was really tough - not knowing whether you’re gonna make it, seeing every other kid around you apparently having a ‘normal’ childhood, and being treated like a pariah or being tiptoed around because people act like you have the stench of impending death on you really messes with your brain at such a young age” isn’t trauma dumping, especially if it’s just discussed as a matter of fact and it doesn’t come with any major emotional content with it. But people can treat that like trauma dumping just because it’s confronting to hear and they don’t want people to share things that are difficult. (Think about it in terms of talking with a partner about a tough day at work vs talking to a therapist about something deeply traumatizing that feels very present - one is more autobiographical and one is squarely in the episodic memory category.)
What’s worse is that this weaponization of the term isn’t even like what you’d get from someone with low/no empathy, who might just say “that sucks” or they might change the topic or they might ask about it from a place of intellectual curiosity. But when the term gets used as an bludgeon, it’s basically saying “I don’t want to engage with feelings of empathy, not that it’s being demanded of me by the other person, and instead of just owning it instead I’m going to pathologize it and put the blame on the person speaking for my own experience of discomfort so I don’t have to feel bad about feeling bad that I don’t want to feel bad.” It’s a lot of layers to it and it’s just gross.
Maybe I have a dark sense of humor but I’d rather someone joke and say something like “Aren’t they supposed to get rid of the cancer and leave the good bits though? Did they mess that up when you were their patient?” than to do the whole “Erm yikes, sweaty! I’m upset at you because you are making me engage my empathy, despite not soliciting it, so I’m going to blame you for how I feel - don’t you ever do that to me again!” kind of borderline-DARVO shit.