Posting here instead of c/traaaans because of how depressing it is.

I deconverted a while ago, yea. And part of that was letting go of the idea of anything else after this. It took a while but I was more or less fine with it, idk. But then I realized I’m trans. I have realized how much pain my body causes me. And a lot of things just aren’t fixable. Its shit and going to be shit. My body doesnt match what it is supposed to be. My voice. Obviously being treated like shit. And that’s just it. My life forever. Forever tormented by all the things that cause me dysphoria I can’t change. And then I die and I’m gone. I’ve been struggling with this for a year+ at this point. I distinctly remember some very nice people, mostly early on in this, tell me I was grieving and would eventually accept it. But I haven’t. I can’t. I don’t even think its better. My one life I was born wrong and will suffer for all of it because of that. I can’t move to acceptance. My whole life, body, all of it is wrong and cant be fixed and then I’ll die and thats it.

Deliberately very light on specific dysphorias because I fear people will invalidate me.