catter [comrade/them, she/her]

Went out with a family member who really likes me but does not know me well. I was dressed very flamboyantly, feeling in my power. I am not out, partially because I don’t feel certain.

They sir’d me over and over again, almost like some people have a filler word ("um, " "uh, " "so, " etc.). Every time it happened I felt so invisible and small. I was looking forward to seeing them but ended up dissociating through most of the night. They also made a joke about me only shaving once a week even though I shave every day. I put a lot of effort into my appearance.

I dunno, I typically don’t willingly spend time with people who call attention to gender all the time. Maybe I should force myself to do that a little more to figure out my dysphoria a bit. I mostly experience body dysphoria, but clearly there’s more to this.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Any insight appreciated, as always 💜

I haven’t gotten anything from Killstar, but I’ve been pretty happy with things from Disturbia. It’s not nice-nice, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall apart after three washes.