I’m glad you have that but nothing and no amount of euphoria will erase the absence of a real childhood and teens, as well as the torture of having dysphoria while having to watch my body go through male puberty…

I could not wish that type of suffering upon my worst enemy. /gen

E.g. being out and socially transitioning gives me panic attacks because it unlocks endless torrents of dysphoria since doing so highlights be never being AFAB…

Also I’m more likely to rope before every getting that far, my brain is so aversed to any additional meaningless effort I seem to have to out in at least twice as much of just to get by, not even talking about fully transitioning (am only on HRT for now).
I fucking despise and abhor all the deranged choices my brain has made for me and what I have to go through to make it not wanna kill itself…

I feel that so much, being trans is the thing I hate and despise about myself the most TBH.

My life has been so much worse because of it. Am on my 3rd attempt to get some form of formal education and don’t even remember what it’s like to be able to feel genuine joy…