5·
6 hours agoThat’s pretty chill. I don’t know who would even want to see pictures of me, I guess
Moonstruck_Theorist [he/him, they/them]
I prefer the podcast tbh
deadnames: SterlingPooper, Wendy_Pleakley
- 0 Posts
- 13 Comments
Joined 5 months ago
Cake day: August 9th, 2025
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Ugh I don’t think I can do it. I am so sick of explaining myself.
Without an actual feminine person explaining things to me I feel a boy playing dress-up. It is what it is I guess
Is my transition even happening if I am its only witness
therapy idk
When your cis therapist suggests you find queer people to talk to and your eye twitches because you have already:
- reached out to University services only to find that their groups conflict with your schedule
- been referred by the university to an agency that claims to specialize in lgbtq care, agreeing under the assumption that you’d get an in person therapist with some experience in queer issues
- spent months talking to this therapist over zoom and at times feeling like I have to explain gender envy and dysphoria and how sexuality is different?
My instinct is to just like, ghost. I know it’s crappy. I’m beginning to worry that I’m just not built for talk therapy, not because I don’t like talking about my problems, but because nothing makes it easier to take action or make changes. It’s like, therapy gradually becomes about the fact that I thought therapy would be more helpful?
My brain is starting to turn to static from how much I think about these things, and they just kinda repeat and swirl until I’ve been staring at the wall for a while hehe
envy
Too many pretty people
If I’m not stopping myself from glancing, I’m tripping over myself to avoid having an awkward interaction
Then I come home and stare into space
8·6 days agoIf your man
- gets into the life insurance racket
- loves baseball and parades
- explores themes of transcendentalism and remembrance in his art music
That’s not your man! That’s American maverick composer Charles Ives
I keep writing and deleting these long fire-and-brimstone comments. Odd considering nobody cares lmao
cw death
If you had a million questions and nobody who seemed like a safe person or a reliable person to ask, what would you do?
If you felt like dying and had nobody and nothing to hold you back, challenge those thoughts, affirm something, what would you do?
- You have no friends? Go to a meetup.
- No meetups? Try posting online!
- Nobody responding online? Talk to a friend!
- You have no friends? Go to a meetup-
I’ve explained why none of that is working right now. Local groups are silent, dating apps are all straight people and polyamorous relationships. I’m just waiting for class to start so I can go back to being terrified of the pretty little 22 year olds.
I seem to want to a type of relationship that hasn’t existed since the Industrial Revolution, wherein you are a direct apprentice to someone regarded as having some expertise. I am a novice at femininity and would love to, like, be under someone’s wing. Like, I would be such a good student. My God.
Times like this make me want to just throw on a dress and bright red lipstick and go full femme and get shitfaced at a dive bar. Just like, see what happens. Could it be worse? Would even that matter to anyone?
Ending this comment by affirming to myself that I can not expect anyone to reply, or help me, or care. This has been done to manage my own sanity
The joy of being seen as a 30-something stubbly male with a career to navigate when you’d rather be spoken to like you’re a 12 year old girl. Or be treated like someone’s dog
Tim Walz will return… In Avengers: Doomsday.
Going to the store is stressful
The amount of people standing exactly where I need to stand or moving so slow genuinely makes me question myself. I feel the need to avoid aisles with people in them. I’m not even sure what kind of shampoo I bought because a worker needed to be exactly where I was standing and that prompted me to just go straight to checkout. I feel like everyone is in my way, or I’m in everyone’s way.
It’s hard not to freak out over the prospect of nobody being able to relate to things that I post. I go into this meta-analysis of “why do people respond to other people but not me”. It’s a lot
1·3 months agoThere it is again, that funny feeling
It feels like I have to start from square one every single time I see a new doctor or professional, or even see someone who it seems like maybe I can potentially open up to. I am so sick of explaining the nearly decade long backstory.
Idk what more to do. What do these people want??