I never really felt much of a connection with this guy, despite sticking it out for over a year with him. Hes very insistent that I take almost 3 hours out of my day to do in person visits and has threatened to charge me as a cancelation if I still demanded virtual, I haven’t felt the ability to be honest with him about larger issues than what I discuss, and frankly I would get nervous to talk to him before a lot of sessions. I had a therapist before that I connected with better, but that was 3 years ago almost and I had to stop when I lost my last job.

Im already in the process of getting back with my past therapist, who seemed much warmer to me. When I had to stop seeing her, i cried, whereas with this guy, I’m nervous he’ll try to talk me out of dropping him.

On the bus to go do it now, send me your good vibes pls

  • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    19·
    24 hours ago

    You got this. Therapy is about what you need to live well, it’s not about your therapist. If they try and center your their needs (whoops, my bad) then that’s a big red flag and it’s your sign to run.

    You absolutely do not need to attend the full session. If they start trying some shit with you then you can—and should—call the session to a conclusion early. Boundaries are what we put in place to protect ourselves and you are allowed to protect yourself. You need a therapist that’s in your corner but more than that, you need yourself in your own corner. If the therapist interferes with you being in your own corner then it’s time to say “Okay, I think were done here. Thanks for your time. How much is today’s session going to be?”

    (For reference I had a bad psychiatrist that didn’t listen to me when I kept going back saying that I couldn’t continue with the side effects of a medication and all they did was up the dose, tell me that the side effects mean that it’s working [yeah - it’s working in the wrong way and that’s what I was trying to tell you the whole time, dipshit], and after months of this I ended up in a psych ward. We had an appointment that I think they scheduled for me in the ward before they released me and so I went in for it and we had a very awkward session then I made an appointment for the next month in full knowledge that I wasn’t going to attend as a final “fuck you” because if you didn’t listen to me sounding the alarm month after month because you didn’t take me seriously then why would you take me seriously when I make an agreement to attend an appointment with you? Though I try to be less spiteful these days lol and a big part of that for me is by establishing healthy boundaries.)

    • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      23·
      1 day ago

      It went fucking horribly! Dude wanted to have basically a full session long conversation analyzing why I wanted to leave, and used my life/relationship situation to insinuate I was a bad patient, and that he went out of his way to respond to that with patience. “You’re only here so you can keep your partner happy and have a roof over your head.” I’m obviously angry, but mostly just shocked that a professional would take a dig at me that way, especislly after 18ish months.

      Also yall are getting a copy/paste response cause I wanna make sure everyone who wished me well saw my side of things, and im not thinking straight enough to give individual replies at the moment

      • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
        9·
        24 hours ago

        Hey, you did it and you got through it. That’s what matters. Fuck that guy, acting like it’s a bad thing to want to keep your partner happy and to have a secure place to live (??)

        A half-decent therapist understands that people have all sorts of motivations for attending therapy and they’ll work with it regardless, it unless it risks direct harm to themselves or others (e.g. an abusive spouse wanting to get the therapist in on the gaslighting.)

        Thanks for the update. Take your time to decompress. Sounds like today you discovered that your misgivings about this therapist were well-placed and that your judgement is more trustworthy and your ability to keep yourself safe is more reliable than you might have thought. Here’s to surviving a tough day!

        • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
          6·
          21 hours ago

          Thanks comrade, appreciate it. It sucks having someone you spent over a year opening up to use your insecurities and fears against you. I did my best in the moment, didnt escalate my voice, and tried to be respectful. Overall its a net win cause 1) im officially done with this person, and 2) cause I went and had this whole talk in person, which is something I would normally shy away from.

          • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
            4·
            19 hours ago

            Sounds like you did a fantastic job. It sucks that it went through that shit but you controlled the part that you could control, and you did exceptionally well. That’s all that matters.

            I don’t want to diminish how much it must suck for you right now but you faced a nightmare scenario head-on and came out the other side intact. Yep, it was a big waste of time and money and, yep, a therapist should never act that way but you handled that shit and if there’s a silver lining it might be that if you feel anxious about opening up to a therapist in the future you can look at it from this perspective - what’s the worst that could happen? Because you’ve already been through it. It definitely sucks but you know now that it’s not gonna break you and, with a little luck and some distance from this shitty day, the fear of opening up to a therapist is gonna have much less of a hold on you.

            • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
              3·
              8 hours ago

              Appreciate it, thanks. I’ll be going back to my old therapist, who I felt much more comfortable talking to. There’s more I can say comparatively between the two, but in summary, I feel like I’m going to a better spot. Additionally, I’ll be going back to someone who specializes in bipolar, where this guy did not.

              Sending love Care-Comrade